Post Apocalypse Fashion Tips

31 Mar

I’m feeling much more positive about the apocalypse lately.

Let’s face it, it’s going to come, and probably sooner rather than later (I’ll pick this theme up elsewhere). To be honest, all the dreary, depressing imagery was really beginning to get me down.



However, after watching episodes of hit TV shows like Falling Skies, The Walking Dead and now Revolution, I’m feeling much more positive about the whole thing.

The reason why?

Well, whether the end of civilisation is brought about by aliens, zombies or a loss of electricity, it would seem personal hygiene and fashion sense is increased exponentially.





That’s right! I always assumed that, following the apocalypse, the dregs of humanity that remained would be a foul smelling, dirty mass wearing rags ofbattered clothing and matted hair.

But no. According to TV’s finest writers, the end of civilisation promises better grooming than any preceding epoch.

Yes, most men will have beards or stubble, but it will always be finely trimmed.  Hair will be slightly longer than average, and slightly tussled, but neither matting nor involuntary dreadlock will mar the otherwise immaculate appearance of the average post apocalypse good guy.

As for the women, malnourishment will leave them with perfect figures and well trimmed eyebrows. There will not be a single unshaved leg or armpit (they obviously hide the last few razors from the stubbly menfolk) and, although no TV series has yet been generous enough to prove my theory, I suspect they all sport Brazilians, rather than some kind of spider graveyard.



Actually, the more I think about it the more I think the post-apocalypse wouldn’t really suit me.  I struggle with facial hair and would, at best, be able to produce a tufty, scraggy effort on the stubble front.

The doomed future isn’t for the likes of me after all.

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Posted by on March 31, 2013 in Cojones Generales


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